Moss Rally Cry Against ROTbanApril 7, 2020
Come on, all you little mossy minions! You all know that for countless generations we have enjoyed peace and prosperity. In the last couple of hundred years we are being sidelined by a more successful organism, taking away our living space. They’re called humans, but they are not humorous in any way.
You all know how much more difficult it is to grow into a healthy mass on concrete, steel and asphalt roads with cars whizzing by all the time. They do every possible thing to harass and frustrate us.
And now we find this ROTban algaecide getting more and more popular. I lichen them to war mongers, using weapons of moss destruction! They’re trying to a-moss a fortune, at our expense. We must band together and be stronger. Humans must be stopped. All I have to offer is mud, wet and
smears. But we must never quit!
Here’s our 12-step Plan:
- Propagate before you settle down and after.
- Be as inconspicuous as you can until you’re strong.
- Produce your acids harder and faster, come on, my masses of moss, make rot!
- Avoid the North sides of things, people have caught on to that.
- Try the East and West sides.
- Tough guys, take the South sides, warming trends have made that side difficult.
- Don’t get soft. Try to be like shellfish if you can. Then the South sides will be more tolerable.
- Invite more algae around; they are tiny but really help the cause.
- Invite much more fungi around; they are the King of Rot and are chums.
- Mold is a bit mild, but welcome them anyway. Assign them by windows, maybe they’ll get in.
- Suffer the little spores to come to me. Pray for rain and mild weather.
- If you get caught, look fuzzy and cute.
Response from ROTban™
I have no animosity for my worthy opponent. I appreciate all the oxygen you’ve created, and how you rot dead stuff on the forest floor. I just want to re-organize you. Just go on back to the forests, hills and remote hills and valleys. You’re good there. I think you’re great in fancy moss gardens and museums too!
Since 1998, ROTbanTM Ultra Cleaning Corp has been removing moss, algae, and stains from roofs, building exteriors, and landscape structures for commercial and residential customers. ROTbanTM operates throughout the Lower Mainland from West Vancouver to Hope.
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